And away we go

I'm not sure what the Internet situation will be once we get to Zambia but hopefully I'll be able to give updates as much as possible. Tanner and I are minutes away from take-off in DC and in 17 hours we will land in Johannesburg, South Africa. From there we fly to Livingstone, Zambia before traveling to Zimba.

This journey began last summer when I was told I'd been given one of the spots for Africa and I have been completely humbled and overwhelmed by the outpouring of prayer, finances, support, & encouragement by my friends and family. Thank you! Thank you for helping this dream become a reality and for pushing me to step outside of my box. 

God is good all the time! All the time God is good! Praise His name! Let's do this!!

Four Days, Four Years

Four days until we take off. 1:22pm on Sunday to be exact. 

Hopefully by this time next week I will be settled in Zimba. 

In the meantime, I am finishing my to do lists and attempting to get packed up. 

Fun fact: Did you know that you can be arrested for drug trafficking if you try to bring Benadryl (diphenhydramine) into Zambia?! It's considered a controlled substance there and since I'm not quite ready to tour the inside of a Zambian prison, I'll be leaving the Tylenol PM at home. Sheeeesh. I digress. 

I'm not sure I've ever felt more bipolar than I have this week. One minute I'm overwhelmed with excitement and ready to jump on the plane and the next I'm wondering what I've gotten myself into and why I would choose to leave my safe, sweet, comfortable life in Nashville. The past two weeks have been filled with coffee dates and parties and snuggles with my best friends' munchkins and naps in the sunshine in Sevier park - all of the people and places that make Nashville home. They've also been filled with prayers that have covered me and a church that stands beside me and hugs that I struggled to let go of and long, tearful goodbyes. I'm tasting the sweetness of my community & feeling how unbelievably blessed I am & part of me wants to stay right here to soak it up. 

But all week the Lord has been whispering to my fearful heart, "I was faithful once, I'll be faithful again." You see, this weekend marks my four year anniversary of moving to Nashville. I too often forget how terrified I was to take that leap of faith and move to such a scary and unfamiliar place. I almost let fear paralyze me then. I almost talked myself out of Nashville. I thought I had the best in SC. But God kept pushing. He knew what was ahead. He knew the sweetness of what was to come. He had gone before me and was planting seeds of community before I ever stepped foot in this city. He asked me to follow and He blew my expectations out of the water. 

And He'll be faithful to do it again because that is who He is. It is His character. The problem is most of us love to hold tight to the comfortable, the safe, the expectations because our human minds cannot imagine anything better. We are blinded by the illusion of security. We attempt to minimize risk at every corner. We let our fear of the unknown box us in. But Scripture clearly says God is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine (Eph 3:20). He is faithful. 

So here I am fighting fears and trembling hands, certain He has asked me to again take the leap of faith and follow Him to Zambia, believing He has gone before me and will once again do far more than I can imagine. Four years later, with the story still being written, Nashville reminds me every day that my God is trustworthy. 

Take a leap, choose the risky path, follow where He is leading. He is faithful. 

Zambia

A year ago, when I heard about the opportunity to work in Africa, I had to look up Zambia on a map. Hopefully your geography skills are better than mine, but if not, here are some things to know about my home for the next month and a half...

Zambia is a land locked country in southern Africa bordered by Democratic Republic of the Congo, Tanzania, Malawi, Mozambique, Zimbabwe, Botswana, Namibia, & Angola. 
It is the size of Texas with a total of 14 million people. 

Zambia is 7 hours ahead of Nashville so I'll basically be living in the future.

The seasons are opposite of the U.S. because Zambia is south of the Equator so I'll be there in the middle of winter with expected highs of 80 degrees. 

English is the official language though most of the locals only speak Chitonga, which unfortunately was not a foreign language choice in high school.  

Average life expectancy in Zambia is 40 years. 14% of adults are HIV positive. 

In Zambia, there is 1 doctor for 20,000 people. Compare to the U.S., which has 1 doctor for 400 people. 

I will definitely stay busy with that many patients to see.

60% of Zambians live on less than $1 per day. Can you imagine? 

Zambia is home to Victoria Falls, 1 of 7 natural wonders of the world 

(2 times higher than Niagara Falls and 3 times wider).

Nshima, the staple food, is prepared from mealie-meal, which is ground corn kernels. 

Peanut butter and granola bars are packed, do not worry. 

Home Sweet Home.

Want to become a prayer partner? Click here. 

Want to financially support me? Click here. 

One Month

One month. 30 days. That is all the time I have left before boarding the plane for Africa. 

I'm not sure where the time went but it went quickly. 

I am completely overwhelmed with excitement & anticipation. 

What will it look like? 

What will my eyes see?

How will it change me?

Surrendering my expectations, my need for control, my love for predictability. 

I am powerless but I rest in truth.

Psalm 18
I love you, Lord, my strength.
The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer;
my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge,
my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

So let the battles come. We'll meet them with a song.
Our God will go before us. We will overcome.

I'm about $800 short of my fundraising goal so if you have an extra $10 or so lying around and want to help out, click here. I am so grateful for the support!

Light at the End of the Tunnel

In 2010, I boarded the long flight to Africa with naive expectations & an unending supply of granola bars. There in Gulu, the Lord began to stir up and unravel new parts of my heart and I fell completely head over heels in love with the people of Uganda. I can so vividly remember the children's laughter, the prisoners' singing, sweet baby Leah. 

Every community we visited was in desperate need for medical care yet I lacked the skills to help. I returned home to the States with a deep sense of responsibility to serve medically and began the application process for Physician Assistant school in Nashville. The last 3 years have been a blur but I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

http://zimbamission.org

As part of this crazy journey, I’ll be heading back to Africa in 2 months, May 10 - June 19, 2013, to work at the Zimba Mission Hospital in southern Zambia. There are only 649 physicians in Zambia (1 for every 20,000 people). The need for medical care is staggering.

The 100 bed hospital in Zimba has 6 inpatient wards (adult male & female, pediatrics, maternity, male & female TB), a surgery department, and a large outpatient department. The maternity ward averages 50 deliveries per month, the outpatient department sees an average of 150 patients per day, & I am beyond excited!

And full of fears. Fear of the unknown, fear of my inabilities, and mostly fear for my health. Last year's lupus diagnosis definitely threw a curve ball in my plans & while I love to pretend I'm invincible, the humbling reality is I am much more vulnerable than most. Treatment includes a daily cocktail of immunosuppressant medications that work to slow my immune system from attacking my own cells. But these meds also keep my immune system from fighting off infection and sickness, which is obviously not ideal for working in a third world country. 

Needless to say, I greatly covet your prayers. I know there is immeasurable power in prayer and would love to know that my friends and family are interceding for me while I am serving. Please pray specifically for health and physical strength, a covering of peace and protection, & an abundance of love to pour out on the people we care for. I am certain the Lord has called me to go and trust He is a faithful, protective Father. He is good all the time.

Click here to join my prayer support team by making a faith promise. 

I have already been so humbled by the encouragement and generosity of my friends and family and look forward to sharing the experience with all of you. I cannot wait to be back in Africa and will be blogging updates as much as possible. I sincerely value your prayers and your support. What a privilege to serve such a mighty God!

"Christ has no body on earth but yours, no hands but yours, no feet but yours. Yours are the eyes through which Christ's compassion for the world is to look out; yours are the feet with which He is to go about doing good; and yours are the hands with which He is to bless us now." - Saint Teresa of Avila

You can also donate financial support here

Doc

My heart has been so heavy today as I learned that the director of my PA program was diagnosed with a brain tumor over the weekend. He is one of the toughest teachers I've ever had and yet his heart for students is evident. He is hard on us because He is more concerned with our character than our comfort. He wanted to push us, challenge us, make us think on our feet. And though there were times when he made me want to pull my hair out, he has become like a respected, beloved father to me and my classmates. We adore him. 

I sat at work today praying & journaling and was reminded what a mighty God we serve. My prayer...

What is 4cm to You? What is a glioblastoma in Your eyes? Nothing. Not a challenge, not a struggle to overcome. An easy victory in Your hands... the hands that conjured up every cell of our being, that formed every hair on our heads, that knit together every inch of us. With a word You create, with a thought You give life. The God who named the stars, who formed the seas, who made beauty from the dust, this is nothing for You. 
A prognosis means nothing to You. 
You laugh at what man says is impossible, for with You ALL things are possible. 

You made the blind man see. You made the woman stop bleeding. You brought the dead to life. You parted the sea. You rescued from the lions den. You brought forth water from the rock. You fed thousands from seven loaves of bread. You brought Jericho's walls down. You opened the ears of the deaf. You walked on water. You gave my heart of stone new life. You defeated the grave.

King of glory, You are the same! You have not changed! The same healer that You were then, You are today! You still rescue, You still give life, Your power is unmatched, Your love is relentless! Miracles are not a challenge for You! There is no circumstance bigger than You! 

Still full of mercy, still abundant in grace, still singing over us, still delighting in Your children. 

You are always good, always just, always sovereign!

Awesome in power, who is like You? I know not one! 

Ps 91:11 "He will command His angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways." 

May Your peace overflow, Your presence be known, Your hand be evident, Your glory be revealed, Your name be exalted, Your will be done.

Not For Me

The perspective change. One of those moments where God takes the way you’re looking at a situation and tilts it on its side so nothing appears the same. For me, they can be sweet lightbulb moments or, most of the time, they are painful wrecking balls, revealing a selfishness or unwillingness in my heart. And that’s what this was.

Since May, I have often wondered why God has called me to Africa while, at the same time it seems, He is physically wrecking me… days when I’m exhausted, in pain, when the joints in my hands will just not cooperate and I am beyond frustrated. I know He is increasing my dependence on Him and breaking my need for control, I know He is good, I just fight to see the purpose in it. The equations don’t seem to work out for good.

Africa + a weakened immune system = not good

surgery needs + unable hands = what’s the point?

Here's the kicker...

What if it’s not about me at all? What if it’s about the people around me? What if it's about the people in Africa? 

Apparently I talk about Uganda a lot. And while I was oblivious to it, God was using my story to help others recognize His call for their lives... His call to Africa.

What if the Lord’s purpose was to use my journey for those people to know their calling?

What if the single reason God asked me to quit my job & go to PA school was to get them to Africa?  

Would all of the pain of the last year be worth it if God said "This is not for you, it’s for them"? 

What if you don't even get to go back to Africa but God used you so that those people would go? 

Could you say "nevertheless, Thy will be done"? 

Am I willing to be used, no matter what the cost, so that someone else may know Jesus or hear their calling? 

Honestly, it takes way too long to answer all of these questions. My selfish heart wants the comfortable, easy, pain free life. And I struggle to think outside of my own circumstances. I get so focused on what God is trying to teach ME in situations instead of looking for the bigger picture, that maybe this isn't about ME at all. Scripture is full of stories showing how one character's journey can affect people, sometimes even generations to come. And those journeys are sometimes painful and those characters sometimes don't have it easy, but in the end, God achieves His purposes and it is good because He is good. 

How faithful is the God we serve? A Father that will stop at nothing to pursue His children. A relentless love that is bigger than our finite minds can grasp. "Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? No one is like you, O Lord; You are great, and Your name is mighty in power." Ps 77:13, Jer 10:6

Africa

      Today I found out that I officially have a spot in Zimba, Zambia next summer. I applied for the medical mission rotation a while back & today it became a reality. I've dreamed for the last two years of going back & at times its been the sole source of motivation to get me through school. To keep the promises I made. 
I can so easily close my eyes and be taken back to Uganda, the sights, the sounds, the emotion. Knowing I'm going back, my heart wants to explode with excitement and anticipation. And while there is a whisper of fear that wants me to stay stateside in a clinic treating ear infections & handing out Z-paks, engraved on my heart, planted in the depth of my soul are these eyes...

 

These sweet babies that pierce through me and move me to action. I've yet to see anything like them. Two years later, I can still hear their little voices singing and their infectious laughter filling those tiny churches. But most vividly, I can't forget those eyes.

The fears I have for Zambia stem from the unknown, as most fears do. A lack of control, a surrender of expectations. There is no way to prepare for an experience like this. No classes to take, no seminars to attend. Completely unknown & out of my hands. 
At the same time, the unknown is exhilarating. Freedom of expectations, freedom that I'm not the author. The opportunity to see things that I will never see in the States. The opportunity for out of the box experiences. 
But most importantly, the opportunity for my soul to know exactly what it was created for. 

2 Tim 1:4 - "As I remember your tears, I long to see you, that I may be filled with joy."

Tetelestai

Tetelestai... the Greek word that will be permanently engraved on my right wrist this week. Whoever said tattoos are addictive was not lying. But its more than just a word. Its more than just some Greek symbols. "Tetelestai" translates to "It is finished."

The word is used twice in the New Testament. First in John 19:28... "when Jesus knew that all things were now completed, in order that the scripture might be fulfilled, he said, 'I thirst.'" In verse 30, Christ utters the word himself: "Then when he received the sour wine Jesus said, 'It is finished,' and he bowed his head and gave up his spirit." The scripture was fulfilled. Jesus lived with purpose and the Father's plans were accomplished. Take heart, He has overcome the world!

Anyone who knows me will attest that I am a "Martha" with every ounce of my being. I can't sit still. I am rarely quiet. My nature is anxious and I want to control the outcome of every circumstance... hence the ink on my left wrist, "be still my soul." It's a continual reminder to rest in His faithfulness. He is God, I am not. 

Tetelestai was also written on business documents or receipts in New Testament times to indicate that a bill had been paid in full. Romans 5:8... "but God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." Overwhelming grace. I have a monumental debt and nothing to offer as payment and yet the debt has been paid in full... tetelestai. Freedom, no longer a slave to the law. Sin has lost its power, death has lost its sting. 

Be still my soul, the Lord is on thy side; 

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain. 

Be still my soul; thy best, thy Heavenly friend. 

Through thorny ways, leads to a joyful end. 

Most often, the reason I struggle to be still is because I believe the lie that I need to work for my righteousness but tetelestai refutes that concept. The work has been done. Ephesians 2 says it best: "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast." The ultimate gift of God, rescue from despair. 

The battle is won. It is finished. Tetelestai.

Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ 

Just a Word

Many are the plans in a man's heart, 
but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. 

In the back of my head I knew. This medical brain of mine knew that two plus two would have to equal four. The symptoms were all adding up and pointing in that direction. I tried to ignore it, pretend it would go away, but people around me started to notice my body was failing. Hope was wishing against it, thinking there would be another way out. Then the confirmation, tests came back positive, extremely positive. The diagnosis that felt like a thousand pounds being dropped on my heart. I made jokes because it was less exhausting but the disappointment ran deep. The word... I knew what it meant.

What does this mean for my future? Babies? Africa? Why would desires so deeply rooted in my soul be denied? It seemed like another dream was slipping away. It felt like punishment. It felt like I'd been abandoned. The enemy crept in and whispered loudly as I tried to make sense of it all. "A good God would never let this happen." "A faithful God would not forsake you like this." The lies surfaced quickly. Lies based on emotions, on circumstances, on pride, on the skewed principles of this world.
                                                                                                               
Thankfully, I do not serve a God who sways with emotions. My God is constant despite circumstances. The same yesterday as He is today and forever. That is truth. The compass that never wavers when the wind starts blowing. The same Savior who conquered death is the author of my story. He's big enough to handle my disappointments. My heart repeats over and over each day "your God is a good God." How is this good? Honestly, I haven't the slightest idea. But I believe with all my heart that my God, in His perfect holiness, holds me securely and knows best. It may never equal my comfort, my success, or my picture perfect dreams but it most certainly, somehow, will equal the incomparable joy of knowing my Father's heart more deeply. An opportunity to press into a God of unbelievable compassion, who rescued me from my filth. His relentless love is more than enough. What else could this heart desire? 

His ways are perfect, I know that full well. They will succeed. Nothing can thwart them. And they lead to His glory and fame. This life is just a breath. Lupus is just a word. The truth remains the same. I want to love well and live abundantly and never stop singing praises of the God I serve. No matter the season or the circumstances or the emotions that masquerade as truth, your God is a good God. 

The Lord your God is with you, 
He is mighty to save. 
He will take great delight in you, 
He will quiet you with His love, 
He will rejoice over you with singing.