Friday, May 25, 2012

Just a Word

Many are the plans in a man's heart, 
but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails. 

In the back of my head I knew. This medical brain of mine knew that two plus two would have to equal four. The symptoms were all adding up and pointing in that direction. I tried to ignore it, pretend it would go away, but people around me started to notice my body was failing. Hope was wishing against it, thinking there would be another way out. Then the confirmation, tests came back positive, extremely positive. The diagnosis that felt like a thousand pounds being dropped on my heart. I made jokes because it was less exhausting but the disappointment ran deep. The word... I knew what it meant.

What does this mean for my future? Babies? Africa? Why would desires so deeply rooted in my soul be denied? It seemed like another dream was slipping away. It felt like punishment. It felt like I'd been abandoned. The enemy crept in and whispered loudly as I tried to make sense of it all. "A good God would never let this happen." "A faithful God would not forsake you like this." The lies surfaced quickly. Lies based on emotions, on circumstances, on pride, on the skewed principles of this world.
Thankfully, I do not serve a God who sways with emotions. My God is constant despite circumstances. The same yesterday as He is today and forever. That is truth. The compass that never wavers when the wind starts blowing. The same Savior who conquered death is the author of my story. He's big enough to handle my disappointments. My heart repeats over and over each day "your God is a good God." How is this good? Honestly, I haven't the slightest idea. But I believe with all my heart that my God, in His perfect holiness, holds me securely and knows best. It may never equal my comfort, my success, or my picture perfect dreams but it most certainly, somehow, will equal the incomparable joy of knowing my Father's heart more deeply. An opportunity to press into a God of unbelievable compassion, who rescued me from my filth. His relentless love is more than enough. What else could this heart desire? 

His ways are perfect, I know that full well. They will succeed. Nothing can thwart them. And they lead to His glory and fame. This life is just a breath. Lupus is just a word. The truth remains the same. I want to love well and live abundantly and never stop singing praises of the God I serve. No matter the season or the circumstances or the emotions that masquerade as truth, your God is a good God. 

The Lord your God is with you, 
He is mighty to save. 
He will take great delight in you, 
He will quiet you with His love, 
He will rejoice over you with singing.

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