I had never known weariness until PA school. By definition, weary means 1. physically exhausted by hard work. 2. mentally exhausted by exertion. 3. impatient or dissatisfied with something. Yes. To all of the above. Sure, I've been tired before. I've been through some rough experiences but nothing like this battle. This semester has been unbelievably difficult, physically sick, mentally drained, ready to give up and go home. Sleep is minimal. Social life is non-existent. Beyond weary.
Jesus said, "Come to me, all who are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” In the stillness, when I take time to close my mouth and listen to His sweet reassurance, my purpose is clear. I cannot survive this by my own strength. When the waves are rising and I start to feel my head go under, when my cup is dry and I have exhausted all reserves, my natural instinct is to paddle harder or try to tap into a new well. But the weariness continues to grow until the moment of surrender. Flat on my face, without an ounce of strength left, I come begging for renewal. I wonder what God is thinking as I try to climb my way out of the trenches time and time again when He can easily lift me out. He is my respite. He is the source of rest. His compassion is overwhelming. I know my call. I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be.
"Of course He's not safe. But He's good."