Wednesday, June 13, 2012

It's Ugly

It's been one of those weeks where I would really like a do over. Somewhere along the way the train derailed and downward spiraled. The mirror was held in front of my face and I had a hard time making eye contact with my reflection. It was ugly. The darkness of my heart that was revealed makes my skin crawl. I'm embarrassed and disappointed and wishing that I was able to love better.

How many times will I be reminded of the power of my words? I'm certain I've seen this lesson before. And yet here I am again, repeating the same prayer, "Take control of what I say, O Lord, & guard my lips" Ps 141:3. When will I learn? I'm a broken soul and a messy spirit and am really incapable of selfless love on my own. How much grace has been offered to me? Why is it so difficult for me to offer grace? Why do I speak without wisdom or consideration? Use words that build rather than tear down. 

I want to live fearlessly. I want to love recklessly. I want to serve selflessly. I want to know Him deeply.

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